Archive for December 21st, 2004

Happy Christmas

I wish our readers a Happy Christmas and a Prosperous New Year.

I refuse to be Politically Correct as I have a higher opinion of Jews, Moslems, Hindus and other religions than the Marxist idiots who invented political correctness to try and destroy Western individual thinking.

All intelligent ethnic minorities always have a good laugh at our expense at this time of year over the stupidity of the Anglos being too scared to celebrate their God. And, in all honesty, can you blame them?

And, talking about Political Correctness, please enjoy the following joke which has been around for a little time but perfectly illustrates my point above.

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: 4 November 2004

Christmas Party

I’m happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House.

There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We’ll have a small band playing traditional carols – please feel free to sing along. And don’t be surprised if the MD shows up dressed as Santa Claus!

A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00pm. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over £10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone’s pockets.

This gathering is only for employees! The MD will make a special announcement at the Party.

Merry Christmas to you and your Family.


FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: 5 November 2004

RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday’s memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognise that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we’re calling it our “Holiday Party”.

The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians. There will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family.


FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: 6 November 2004

RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous

requesting a non-drinking table – you didn’t sign your name. I’m happy

to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads,

“AA Only”; you wouldn’t be anonymous anymore!!!!!

How am I supposed to handle this?


Forget about the gift exchange. no gift exchange allowed now since

the Union Officials feel that £10.00 is too much money and Management

believe £10.00 is a little cheap.



FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: 7 November 2004

RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees’ beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party – or else package everything up for you to take home in a little foil doggy bag. Will that work?

Meanwhile, I’ve arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the toilets. Gays are allowed to sit with each other, Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men, each will have their own table.

Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay men’s table too. To the person asking permission to cross dress – no cross dressing allowed, but we will have booster seats for short people.

Low fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food first.

There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply “No Sugar” desserts. Sorrry!

Did I miss anything ?!?!?!?!


FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All F****** Employees

DATE: 8 November 2004

RE: The F****** Holiday Party

Vegetarian pricks I’ve had it with you people!!! We’re going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the “grill of death,” as you so quaintly put it, and you’ll get your f****** salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know tomatoes have feelings too. They scream when you slice them. I’ve heard them scream. I’m hearing them scream right NOW !!

I hope you all have a rotten holiday,

The Bitch from HELL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FROM: John Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: 9 November 2004

RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party

I’m sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy recovery and I’ll continue to forward your cards to her.

In the meantime, the Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and instead give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with full pay.

Happy Holidays

John Bishop

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Music on your computer

This is a short article I have written for the fuddy-duddies like me as, the younger amongst you, will have started doing this ages ago.

There is a plethora of programs that will enable you to move your CDs onto your computer and, if you really want to, it is very possible to use your computer to control your hi-fi system. I just want to get you started, and for no cost at first, so that you can make your own decisions on whether you want to go ahead and invest the huge amounts of time that this can mean.

Initially, there are four nice programs you can download off the Internet, and these programs are classed as freeware. This means that you do not have to pay anything, although some freeware authors like to receive a postcard and some invite donations of you like what you see,

The first thing you may want to do is to translate the types of files on your CDs into the types of files that your computer can easily read. There are many types of files but I won?t cloud the issue as, after all, this is about getting started. We will concentrate on MP3s.

MP3s are the most popular, they are also a lot smaller. Whereas CDs can contain, on an average, between 12 and 24 songs, the same CD filled with MP3s might well contain up to two hundred music files.

First of all, some terminology. Pulling off a song file on your music CD, into an MP3 file on your computer, is called “ripping”. So you will need a CD Ripper. A good “freeware” ripper is “CDex”. This is an ideal starter program and can be found at

Apart from Ripping your songs into MP3 files, it will look out, onto the Internet, to a site containing most CD information and collect the name of the singer and the title of each song. I won’t dwell on how this works as that is scope of another article. Suffice to say that people usually, when there is no details available, type them in manually, and forward the details to this site for others to benefit. It seems to work as there are few CDs that haven?t been covered. I like a lot of Afrikaans CDs and am always amazed that most of those are listed.

Once you have your MP3 files on your hard disk, all labelled neatly, you may want to get a “Tag Editor”. The one that I like is TagScanner, it is Russian and can be found at

When you first go to this site you may notice it is all in Russian. Don’t despair, look at the top right hand area of the site and you will see a button inviting you to go to the English section.

You may want to copy some music files to a temporary directory whilst you experiment with this program so as not to ruin any of your file titles. This program will enable you to make your collection very neat and accessible, but you can ignore it altogether if neatness and orderliness is not your scene, and you like to do a lot of manual typing.

Now you will want a program to play your MP3s on your computer. The “freeware version of WinAmp is ideal for this. It is now at version 5.x which, in my opinion, is the first version that really makes this program fun and easy to use. You can get it at WinAmp is very popular and there are lots of plugins to get it to do different things. Forget the plugins initially as it will be easier then to get to know the basics.

Finally you will want to put your music onto CDs. Either as MP3s for playing on your computer, or as audio music files for playing on your audio hi-fi system. This is termed as “burning” but all it really means is saving on to a CD. An ideal free program to do this is called “Burn 4 Free” and this can be downloaded from

If you are one of the very few who are willing to invest in this art, you will find this article just the thing as your first stepping stone. On the other hand, this will prove the quickest way to convince you not to go ahead if your time is always at a premium.

I tend to steer a path in between the two schools of thought. Although I don’t have time to go into it all fully, I have found the following of use to both myself, and my wife.

When you buy a CD there are often only one or two songs you really like, sometimes only one. We have gone through our collections of hundreds of CDs saving just the song that we like, and then we made CDs all containing songs that we love very much. This makes life much easier and we tend to listen to our music much more than in the past.

I now have my collection to play when I am alone – all of which are favourites, and so does my wife Pam. We also have a collection of joint favourites we play when we are together.

Although it is “technically” illegal to do this – providing you don’t sell the originals – you could possibly win your case in a court of law as you have purchased the CD and would surely have a right to make backup copies but a solicitor could probably offer far better advice than this article could.

There are far better commercial programs out there and the reason I have chosen freeware is so that you can get started and see whether such a hobby is worth continuing.

Andrew Taylor.

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