Archive for January, 2010
Various parties try to forecast what the voters will be more concerned about before any election. Is it health, policing, education, Europe or what?
I have a little story to tell. It is meant to be a joke, but it will illustrate the point I want to make about what the real issue is when a voter turns out to make his cross.
THE JUDGE’S DILEMMA
In a small town, a person decided to open up a brothel, which was right opposite to a church. The church & its congregation started a campaign to block the brothel from opening with petitions, and prayed daily against his business.
Work progressed. However, when it was almost complete and was about to open a few days later, strong lightning struck the brothel and it was burnt to the ground.
The church folks were rather smug in their outlook after that, till the brothel owner sued the church authorities on the grounds that the church, through its congregation & prayers, was ultimately responsible for the destruction of his brothel, either through direct or indirect actions or means.
In its reply to the court, the church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection that their prayers were reasons for the act of God. As the case made its way into court, the judge looked over the paperwork at the hearing and commented:
‘I don’t know how I’m going to decide this case, but it appears from the paperwork we have a brothel owner who firmly believes in the power of prayer and an entire church that doesn’t.’
I have to say that, in the end, it always depends on how much money we will have left in our pay packets.The Liberal Democrats still haven’t understood that. Remember that disastrous time when they offered to put a penny on income tax to boost education? They really did badly that time.
And Labour? They have expanded the number of people who get state benefits like billy-o! All these people will be too fearful of losing their benefits if they vote Conservative.
And the Conservatives? Once they were the natural party for Queen and Country. Now they are fearful of telling the truth about the EU. Imagine their votes if they decided on leaving the EU and toold the people what they would do with the money saved
The Taxpayers Alliance state:
EU membership costs every citizen €2,400 (£2,122) per year, compared with the €235 (£207) quoted by the commission.
The UK-based lobby group says that, annually, the total cost of membership to the 27 states is €1219bn (£1078bn) – close to ten times the official figures.
The Taxpayers’ Alliance bases its figures on what it considers the “real, underestimated and hidden” cost of EU membership.
You can read more about this on this page of their website.
This is 1.078 trillion pounds. How quickly could we get back on our feet if we hadn’t to carry these expenses each year? This works out at £89bn every month, or £20.7bn a week or £3bn a day. Or to put it in perspective, £683,663 for the time it took me to type this sentence.
The question isn’t “Do we want to leave the EU or not?” The real question should be “Could we be better off if we spent this £1.2 trillion on our own citizens?” Ask this question and most people would vote for coming out.
And UKIP aren’t much better. They go on about us coming out of the EU. As I have said above, it is the wrong question – people couldn’t care either way, but if you start talking about how you are going to spend that money, on UK citizens, no other party could match your largesse.
… and when?
…It is high time for me to put an end to your sitting in this place, which you have dishonoured by your contempt of all virtue, and defiled by your practice of every vice; ye are a factious crew, and enemies to all good government; ye are a pack of mercenary wretches, and would like Esau sell your country for a mess of pottage, and like Judas betray your God for a few pieces of money.
“Is there a single virtue now remaining amongst you? Is there one vice you do not possess? Ye have no more religion than my horse; gold is your God; which of you have not barter’d your conscience for bribes? Is there a man amongst you that has the least care for the good of the Commonwealth?
“Ye sordid prostitutes, have you not defil’d this sacred place, and turn’d the Lord’s temple into a den of thieves by your immoral principles and wicked practices? Ye are grown intolerably odious to the whole nation; you were deputed here by the people to get grievances redress’d; your country therefore calls upon me to cleanse the Augean Stable, by putting a final period to your iniquitous proceedings, and which by God’s help and the strength He has given me, I now come to do.
“I command ye, therefore, upon the peril of your lives, to depart immediately out of this place! Take away that shining bauble there, and lock up the doors. You have sat here too long for the good you do. In the name of God, go!
So, my good friends, what’s changed?
… or not as the case may be!
STAY ALERT! These people walk among us, and the scary part is that they have the right to vote and to reproduce!
IDIOT SIGHTING #1
My daughter and I went through the McDonald’s take-out window and I gave the girl a £5 note. Our total was £4.20, so I also handed her a Twenty pence piece. She said, ‘you gave me too much money.’ I said,’Yes I know, but that way you can just give me a pound back.’ She was puzzled and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the 20 pence and said ‘We’re sorry but they could not do that kind of thing.’ The girl then proceeded to give me back 80 pence in change!
Do not confuse the staff at MacD’s.
IDIOT SIGHTING #2
We had to have the garage door repaired. The GARADOR repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a ‘large’ enough motor on the opener.I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one GARADOR made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, ‘Madam, you need a 1/4 horsepower.’ I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said,’NOOO, it’s not. Four is larger than two…’ We haven’t used Garador repair since.
Happened in Moor Park, Nr Watford UK
IDIOT SIGHTING #3
I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbour call the local town council office to request the removal of the “DEER CROSSING” sign on our road. She said the reason was : ‘Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don’t think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.’
Story from Potters Bar, Herts. , UK
IDIOT SIGHTING #4
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an Irish airport employee asked, ‘Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge? To which I replied, ‘If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?” He smiled knowingly and nodded, ‘That’s why we ask.’
Happened at Luton Airport … UK
IDIOT SIGHTING #5
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it’s safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, ‘What on earth are blind people doing driving?!’
She is a Local Council employee in Harrow, Middlesex (UK)
IDIOT SIGHTING #5
When my husband and I arrived at Our Local Ford dealer to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. ‘Hey,’ I announced to the Fitter/Mechanic, ‘its open!’ His reply, ‘I know. I have already done that side.’
This was at Ford dealership in St Albans,Hertfordshire UK.
IDIOT SIGHTING #6
I left a note at a copy shop asking for a drawing to be enlarged to 160% of its size. When I returned the young lady said she had not been able to do it. When I asked why not, she replied “What’s percent?” (The copier controls were marked 1.5 times, 1.6 times, 1.7 times etc)
It really DID happen, in Alton Hants.
- If you cross the North Korean border illegally, you get 12 years hard labour.
- If you cross the Iranian border illegally, you are detained indefinitely.
- If you cross the Afghan border illegally, you get shot.
- If you cross the Saudi Arabian border illegally, you will be jailed.
- If you cross the Chinese border illegally, you may never be heard from again.
- If you cross the Venezuelan border illegally, you will be branded a spy and your fate will be sealed.
- If you cross the Cuban border illegally, you will be thrown into political prison to rot.
However, if you cross the British border illegally, you get
- a job
- a driver’s licence
- a social security card
- welfare benefits
- subsidized rent
- help to buy a new house
- free education
- free health care
- a lobbyist in LONDON
- a legal right to criticise and berate our Christianity
- a legal right to criticise and berate our Western ideals and principals
- and, in many instances, you can VOTE
Could someone please tell me why?